The Bombshell

So, after what seemed like a life time it was time for my brace appointment.

I’d drank far too much red wine the weekend before, way too much blood in my alcohol system. Ordinarily, to avoid staining my ceramic brace, red wine is a no go. This, naturally, has found me dreaming of the rouge. So, to divulge felt very naughty.

I meandered into the hospital. Pursed pouts in the waiting room. My name called. I had developed a gap in my front teeth since my last visit, and although pretending I resembled Mick Jagger's daughter was fun... the self-deceit didn't last long. Neither did the constant novelty whistle which accompanied every ‘F’ sounds I made. Or the fact that, despite several different techniques, spaghetti would always seem to get caught in my "Jagger". Seriously not cool.

I strutted into the “driving seat”... my rouge-tainted elastics were changed, the brace tightened. Goodbye Jagger, Hello spaghetti. Then, without any warning or preparation the bombshell exploded.

I was told, in the insensitive tone in which my Orthodontist clearly enjoys, that I need a bottom brace. Which will be fitted at the end of March 2012. “Do you want ceramic or metal brackets?”... I felt like such a vulnerable, weak, innocent little prey in the cruel clutches of his “driving seat”.

Sure, my hangover didn’t help. I mumbled something. He left the room. Then I cried. Quite a lot. Too much. The dental nurse rubbed my arm. My goggles steamed up. I started to do that weird thing where you hold in the cry and then it surfaces as a snort. Extremely not cool.

As far as I was concerned, my brace had been on for 4 months... and it wouldn’t be so long before I emerged from my chryssalsis. Wrong. Because my top teeth have expanded there is now an open bit. I will have to have both top and bottom braces for another 12 months, starting from end of March 2012. Which means I will be embraced for a further 14 months!!! Both sets, and probably some other contraptions too. This means i will be 24 years old before I have this off. This was a shock and did not combine well with a hangover.

The nurse told me that it wasn’t obiligatory and I could have my top brace off in just 6 months. But, it would not be the perfect outcome. I have been ordered to think about it, and I have been. Its a difficult call... sure, a perfect bite and straight teeth all for free is amazing! BUT... do I want to start my career as a brace face? Your twenties are so precious, especially as a single gal. However, another year is nothing in the grand scheme of life. UGH. I think I know what everyone is thinking.

Why is vanity rearing its ugly little head? IRONIC.

Fang Flirtation

The Elephant in the room....  “An English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed”.

The obvious truth, a mouth full of metal... the reaction, nothing. Thus,

The Elephant in my mouth.

It is pretty obvious when someone recognises the brace. Eye contact becomes teeth contact. They talk to my teeth and – quite bizarrely – i find myself serenading theirs. Pearly white whisperings.  Incisor intrigue. Fang flirtation.  

I have not adopted the lip-over-brace attempt to talk which i have seen other fail at, miserably. I’d rather not look like a muppet mouth, thanks.

Only once in the last 3 and a half months has someone been explicit about acknowledging my brace. Surprisingly, I found his honesty refreshing. Endearing. Charming. The fact he was three years old was besides the point.

...

I was pretending to be a Lion (anything to amuse a miserable toddler). Mid-Roar, he gasped. Yes... I was better at this predator play than I gave myself credit for. No. The three year old pointed, bemused, at my open-snarling-mouth.

OH NO!” he exclaimed “YOUR TEETH ARE POORLY”... “WAIT THERE, I AM A PLUMBER AND I WILL SNIP THAT OFF FOR YOU AND FIX YOUR POORLY TEETH”. He was too cute. And honest. It was then I realised that, if a lion cub in disguise can acknowledge my brace, everyone must.

 

Despite this exception, my teeth continue to attract guilty glares... and will do so for the remaining time.  The brace will continue to be the elephant in my mouth.

Smile widely and give them an engaging audience.

MY PHILOSOPHY

A new year. A new start.  The certain “distraction” is no longer distracting and all procrastination is out of the window.

I am a firm believer in fate. That everything happens for a reason. That life is too short.  That every scenario can be accurately captured by a cliché. Or a song lyric. What goes around comes around, wise words Timberlake.

Has somebody ever entered your life for a very short period of time? You blink and you miss him, he’s gone and you don’t . Its as if someone planted them there to serve a purpose, they serve their purpose. On a very pretty, transparent plate. The purpose served: a generous helping of delicious brace confidence.

My brace angst, of which I have honestly documented in my first post:“Eve”, has never properly surfaced. Sure, I am now very aware that most people talk to my teeth. Of course, I cannot ignore one’s first moment of brace acknowledgement.  Yes, the idea of public eating is not attractive... and the reality, extremely unattractive. But, I have adopted a “who cares” attitude.

 If I care, they care. If they care, I have to care. And so it spirals. So... I just don’t care.

To date, this remains a flawless philosophy.

I have been ‘embraced’ for 3 months and, ironically, it has given me a lot of luck. Even a little 'love'. I am straddling two enjoyable jobs. One finds me flirting with the fashion world. The other, involves fluttering my eyelashes at marketing.

It hasn’t killed me and I start 2012 a stronger person, cheers Kayne.

BRACE IS BACK, TELL A FRIEND.

You heard, brace is back, back again, brace is back... tell a friend. Cringe.

Firstly, let me apologise for the inexcusable delay in posting. Granted, I am very new to this “blogging culture”, but writing a blog is very reminiscent of writing a diary. Or meaning to call an old friend.  Tomorrow is always a better day to do it, yet tomorrow never comes. So... today is my tomorrow and I have many  embracing anecdotes which need to be relayed. Most of which will be spun with exaggeration and enthusiasm, all of which holds truth and have very real consequences. Prepare to be regaled.

Writing only the tiny bit above brings back the therapeutic reason for starting this. So, I invite you to laugh at my life with me, but also do not be afraid to laugh at me. Occassionally.

“To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it” Charlie Chaplin.