tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55607205914277617742024-03-05T20:16:28.753-08:00THE ELEPHANT IN MY MOUTHEMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-6574866081809828792012-03-30T01:51:00.000-07:002012-03-30T01:51:07.713-07:00One thing after another<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There seems to have been a party in my mouth and I have not been invited.</span></strong></div><div class="ecxMsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">After the brutal extraction of my wisdom tooth, things went from bad to worse. As I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself, I began to regret my decision to whip the bugger out. Initially, my Hamster face amused me and I quite liked my new spontaneous diet. However, this soon changed…. Rapidly.</span></div><div class="ecxMsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Severe pain, tears, desperate cheek holding, tears, throbbing, very strong pain killers. Tears. DRY SOCKET. Tears. Tears. Tears. Apparently, only 1-3% of wisdom tooth extractions end in this horrendous fate. Of course, this was bound to happen to me. Excellent. Essentially, Dry Socket, (as well as sounding extremely unarousing) means that my poor, precious vulnerable nerves in my jaw bone were raw and open, waggling in the wind.</span></div><div class="ecxMsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Typical. I found myself back in the emergency ‘Driving Seat’, crying uncontrollably whilst the dentist flushed and packed my ‘dry socket’. Nice.</span></div><div class="ecxMsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.dwell.com/images/230*294/dentist-john-collier-photograph.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dea="true" src="http://media.dwell.com/images/230*294/dentist-john-collier-photograph.jpg" /></a></div><div class="ecxMsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As soon as that was over, B-Day loomed. It was time for my bottom brace. I got it yesterday. I feel like I want to rip my teeth out just to relieve the discomfort. The discomfort is severe. I had seemed to repressed the top brace pain. This is a horrible, nasty, unwelcome reminder. So tight and constant, it feels like it’s taken the sparkle out of my eye and I feel utterly deflated.</span></div><div class="ecxMsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://averildean.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/alone-black-and-white-girl-hair-old-favim-com-3120761.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dea="true" height="213" src="http://averildean.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/alone-black-and-white-girl-hair-old-favim-com-3120761.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I know it will improve and I will soon get used to it, but at the moment Nelly the Elephant has packed her bags and SAT HER FAT ASS DOWN VERY HARD ON MY BOTTOM JAW.</span></div><div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-30447206142871790562012-03-02T10:44:00.000-08:002012-03-02T10:44:29.034-08:00WIS-DOOM<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">If anybody tells you that wisdom tooth extraction is painless/easy/a piece of cake. They’re lying to you. Lying through their (probably, perfectly formed) gritted teeth. Either that or i am a big baby. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pics-site.com/wp-content/uploads/Black-and-White-Baby-Photos-16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://www.pics-site.com/wp-content/uploads/Black-and-White-Baby-Photos-16.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Ok, it is a know fact that I am a hypochondriac and once twisted my own half fractured little toe so that I would be the proud owner of crutches. (I didn’t get crutches). Still, it is a very unpleasant experience and one i should feel i should warn you of.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">After dodging the dentist for many years, it appears there has been a lot going on in my mouth for many years without me noticing. The idiot that I am. After confronting the obvious, I thought it was sensible to get a thorough Mouth MOT.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/00/5e/black,,,white,lips,mouth,open,photography-005e02025af9815a77a7f73849dfc037_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/00/5e/black,,,white,lips,mouth,open,photography-005e02025af9815a77a7f73849dfc037_m.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">It turns out my lower left wisdom tooth was impacted and was a “timebomb of pain”. FANTASTIC. Anything else? (probably). The dental nurse booked me in for a surgical removal. The removal was yesterday. I sit here, slumped, resembling a frowning lopsided hamster. Such an attractive 23 year old, in her prime, on a Friday night.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/10117402/vbcvbc_149541810_thumb.jpg?1306334469" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/10117402/vbcvbc_149541810_thumb.jpg?1306334469" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I opted for sedation. It took the consultant 4 attempts to get the cannula into my “wriggling” veins. Four attempts is actually quite a lot. Actually quite painful. One wisdom tooth out, three shiny colourful bruises in. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.photocase.com/stock-photos/50665-stock-photo-doctor-illness-health-care-hospital-syringe-cannula.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.photocase.com/stock-photos/50665-stock-photo-doctor-illness-health-care-hospital-syringe-cannula.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">By this time I was shaking quite a lot and the nurse thought it was necessary to bring in a huge blanket and tuck me in. Like a big giant bruised shaking hamster baby. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.archives.gov.on.ca/english/on-line-exhibits/aird/pics/5277_dentist_520.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.archives.gov.on.ca/english/on-line-exhibits/aird/pics/5277_dentist_520.jpg" width="257" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">The consultant squeezed the sedative juice into my vein and I felt very odd indeed. I tried to pretend I was fine. I clearly wasn’t. They made some remark about my odd socks (I was in a rush that morning), I remember trying to crack some hilarious joke but had to give up half way through because I was laughing too much. A new low?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q190/Bonishphoto/LaughingCourtney-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q190/Bonishphoto/LaughingCourtney-2.jpg" width="212" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">They got to work. What happened is all a bit of a blur but if i lie silently then the cracking of bone and the faint drilling noise resonates in my head. I’m joking. Kind of.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.50andnifty.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/drill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://www.50andnifty.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/drill.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">It was done, I was untucked and guided to a room to wait for my Mother. There was an overweight lady in the ‘sedation recovery room’ with me. <i>“whatcha in fer?”</i> she asked. <i>“ummm, one wisdom extraction”</i> I replied, tentatively. <i>“one? Thats nuffin. Try three!!!”</i>. <b>I felt like a cheat.</b> She was clearly milking the whole thing and had a lot of bloody saliva bubbling out of her mouth. Normally, this would have been surreal enough but being sedated myself made it utterly bizarre. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://jokeyomama.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Fat-Women-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="http://jokeyomama.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Fat-Women-6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I decided to escape and go to the loo. Except, I wasn’t allowed to go ‘unescorted’ so, before I knew it, I was trying to wee in front of a very awkward nurse. A new low. Naturally, I had stage fright and being sedated made everything seem like it took an hour instead of a minute. Except, i think it did actually take an hour. JESUS CHRIST.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/05/24/article-1390270-0C27AFC100000578-688_468x334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/05/24/article-1390270-0C27AFC100000578-688_468x334.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Anyway, since this very traumatic ordeal I have been mostly feeling hugely sorry for myself. Mother took the nurses’ advice way too literally and hasn’t left me unattended for 24 hours. Very frustrating. I have eaten my way through lots of pain killers and antibiotics (to prevent infection). Without wanting to, my tongue finds itself exploring the new hole in my mouth. Guilty painful pleasure. The highlight of the past 29 hours is eating some tepid porridge.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6167/6165644813_a5873224c7_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://farm7.staticflickr.com/6167/6165644813_a5873224c7_z.jpg" width="230" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">So, i am 25% less wise and 100% more hamster like. Please, if you are getting a similar procedure... prepare yourself. Do not go to the loo in the hospital after the procedure and get your Mum to buy some porridge oats. <span style="font-size: large;"><b>You’re welcome!</b></span></span></div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-21261052427725928092012-02-23T12:09:00.000-08:002012-02-23T12:09:47.318-08:00Not just my problem<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">So, the time with my brace is ticking along nicely. Almost five whole months. I feel we are a pretty tight unit now and changes are to be seen.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">It still amuses me when I acknowledge acknowledgements. There was a particularly eye-opening episode when I went to visit my sister recently. She has a male friend who is a perfectly formed human being from Dubai. He wouldn’t look out of place modelling Armani. And he knows it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">So, the Armani model is clearly highly image conscious, the type who would blatantly crane their neck to look for a designer label on your handbag. Or to be able to guess your perfume as he wafts past each cheek kissing loudly. The kind of person who genuinely thinks that each sentence should end with “Fabulous” or “Darling”. You know the type.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I knew, I just knew, he would acknowledge my brace vocally and publicly. Luckily, I braced myself (no pun intended).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1075/1332644550_28322827ec.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1075/1332644550_28322827ec.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">We were having some drinks before a night out and he strutted into the room, instantly filling it with decadence. “MWAH MWAH, lovely to see you daahhhhhling!” Naturally, I obliged. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z154/misscrew2/misscrew4/helmutnewton2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z154/misscrew2/misscrew4/helmutnewton2.jpg" width="214" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">He sat on the sofa. Legs crossed. Pinky finger pert. His eyes were wide, his moisturised lips pouted. I opened my mouth to relive an anecdote. As soon as I spoke, his pinky lost stiffness, one of his perfectly plucked eyebrow became raised, his mouth became slightly ajar. His finger flung rapidly into the air.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><span style="font-size: x-large;">...</span> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">“Ummm DAHHHHLING” he exclaimed, “WHAT is with the retainer”?! There. Like that. Out loud. So publicly. Yet, oddly, so refreshing. The others squirmed in their seats, so typically British.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/p/LRG/56/5651/3WNMG00Z/posters/shy-chimp.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/p/LRG/56/5651/3WNMG00Z/posters/shy-chimp.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I laughed. Told him it wasn’t a retainer, instead a ceramic train track brace. His reaction was so honest and natural <i>“OH WOW. You know, I rulllly rullllly admire that. I rulllly want to sort my teeth out but just don’t have the guts. It’s cute. FABULOUS”</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://llwproductions.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/annette-and-frankie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://llwproductions.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/annette-and-frankie.jpg" width="276" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">And that was it, the elephant left my mouth for a while and it wasn’t mentioned again. In fact, his reaction mimicked others. I would say 8 people out of 10 mention their dissatisfaction with their teeth when my brace is spoken about. Surprisingly high. That alone makes me a little bit proud of my decision and my philosophy which goes with it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I cannot wait to celebrate properly, with my perfect smile.</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvnacccoHS1r7bisfo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvnacccoHS1r7bisfo1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-8309770239069023102012-02-10T11:31:00.000-08:002012-02-10T11:31:08.990-08:00Turmeric, do one<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>So, the turmeric war continues...</strong></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I decided that it would be a very good idea to fully embrace the “Friday feeling” with my mate Henry Weston. (Dangerously good, and exceedingly strong, cider). </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/47534000/jpg/_47534185_cider_getty_226.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/47534000/jpg/_47534185_cider_getty_226.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">After a night of dancing like I was Beyonce, Mr Weston has a habit of inducing severe delusion, and performing every party trick I knew… it was definitely time for bed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://deco-01.slide.com/r/1/00a9/dl/Y4Dgm2NS6D_ST8zjuriulTQYN-_fPQxS/watermark" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://deco-01.slide.com/r/1/00a9/dl/Y4Dgm2NS6D_ST8zjuriulTQYN-_fPQxS/watermark" width="197" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I awoke, with one eye open, and before I could establish whether it was a weekend or not - the memories of the night before overcame me. I decided it would be a good idea to sleep it off, yet my foot kept twitching and every intention of snoozing was overcome by vivid imaginations of orange juice. Cold, endless supplies of the stuff. A gushing orange juice waterfall. I was dehydrated, hungover and PAP-ING (post alcohol paranoia).</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3428/3805204072_a5db97258c_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3428/3805204072_a5db97258c_z.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Frustratingly, there was no trace of orange juice in the fridge. I sat, drinking the life out of a cup of tea. My beyonce days were over and my hips hurt from showing the male population how I could put both of my legs over my head. Serious PAP-ing.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.someworthwhilequotes.com/images/graphics/regret.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="http://www.someworthwhilequotes.com/images/graphics/regret.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Nothing soothes a hangover better than a bowl of supernoodles. Half food, half drink. They must be eaten noisily, messily and ideally – eaten alone. Mild curry was my super food of choice. I devoured them in a flash and slowly began to feel like me again.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/06.06.96/gifs/noodles-9623.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/06.06.96/gifs/noodles-9623.gif" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">It was only that afternoon, when I decided to look in the mirror, that I realised a familiar yellow twinge. YELLOW TWINGE. No. no. no. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/sad-oh-no-l.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/sad-oh-no-l.png" width="178" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I’d eaten a omelette at an Indian restaurant. Steered clear from any colourful food. Even resorted to drinking a glass of red wine with a straw!! Only to ruin it all with a quickie with mild curry supernoodles. Fuming.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://karenknowsbest.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/angry-child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://karenknowsbest.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/angry-child.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">What I did, I am not proud of. But it was something I considered completely necessary. I picked up a pin and sabotaged my own brace. Bad, I know. But… it meant I could go and visit my scary orthodontist and regain some dignity. It worked. Off with the terrible turmeric twinged elastics and on with the clears. I win.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN8CGs-59qHMzyjVtmxM5PwESVIm2fl9CjuThSS7Nvo-zYCcatOQ2H7PAr-r4yJ0GVpSj4o8EVY4wuO5NDbpy-haHvsTFsH7q3vcdRNPm_V8wzNX5hntKi6dGiKckQQv4xUxXheAJLc3E/s1600/b,w,girl,words,evil,pin,up,woman-513cc955f775dfafbdd5603bdb97fe2c_h.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN8CGs-59qHMzyjVtmxM5PwESVIm2fl9CjuThSS7Nvo-zYCcatOQ2H7PAr-r4yJ0GVpSj4o8EVY4wuO5NDbpy-haHvsTFsH7q3vcdRNPm_V8wzNX5hntKi6dGiKckQQv4xUxXheAJLc3E/s320/b,w,girl,words,evil,pin,up,woman-513cc955f775dfafbdd5603bdb97fe2c_h.jpg" width="247" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Sure, I was pretty smug about it. It taught me two vital things. Firstly, my war with turmeric is not over. Secondly, I am never going to be able to shake my booty like Beyonce. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://blackcelebritygossiponline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/bey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="http://blackcelebritygossiponline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/bey.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-49151017502448226732012-02-05T09:31:00.000-08:002012-02-05T09:31:00.868-08:00No more curry in a hurry!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-GB</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I shall start this post with it’s point. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">If you have ceramic braces... then. please. AVOID. CURRY. <span style="font-size: large;"><b>Please.</b></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxDkRTCW12AhM_oXMYElxs4zegkr_RZ3tM9mHUfGh7bjHXEOmLBvoqEgngKaCYK9OhqyrgAiL_s3GGGJgNlJQRm1j73vw31or_AvPGsOCgXUux_RjbOQwFgjmPiamEanYzq5bSlzjys5XE/s400/rudolf_koppitz_Photogrpahy_desperation_nude_perfumeshrine_black&white.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxDkRTCW12AhM_oXMYElxs4zegkr_RZ3tM9mHUfGh7bjHXEOmLBvoqEgngKaCYK9OhqyrgAiL_s3GGGJgNlJQRm1j73vw31or_AvPGsOCgXUux_RjbOQwFgjmPiamEanYzq5bSlzjys5XE/s320/rudolf_koppitz_Photogrpahy_desperation_nude_perfumeshrine_black&white.bmp" width="239" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><b>I learnt the hard way.</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I’m not a huge curry fan, I don’t get the fascination with it really. Especially the ridiculously hot stuff, all of those calories for a painful episode the day after (or, so I am told). Very hot, yet, so very not. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/f4/77/babies,bubu,baby,black,and,white,reading,cuteeeeeee-f477949c51bbee8b0597756f478f70e5_h.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/f4/77/babies,bubu,baby,black,and,white,reading,cuteeeeeee-f477949c51bbee8b0597756f478f70e5_h.jpg" width="154" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">Anyway, very occasionally, I am partial to a korma – or some other kind of creamy calorific creation. A few weeks ago, my friends felt they needed more quality time with their loo... and off to the Indian restaurant we trotted. Pardon the pun. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://images04.olx.co.uk/ui/6/31/20/1274114228_93753120_11-PHOTOGRAPHS-OF-INDIA-High-quality-black-and-white-prints-Art-Collectibles-1274114228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="http://images04.olx.co.uk/ui/6/31/20/1274114228_93753120_11-PHOTOGRAPHS-OF-INDIA-High-quality-black-and-white-prints-Art-Collectibles-1274114228.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">None of us could pronounce the names of the dishes we ordered. We did the classic awkward order. Pointing to the name on the menu, trying to enunciate the name of the dish very slowly... willing for the waiter to finish off what you had false-started. Awkward western giggling.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdni.condenast.co.uk/320x480/o_r/RussellJames7_GQ_26aug10_RussellJames_320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://cdni.condenast.co.uk/320x480/o_r/RussellJames7_GQ_26aug10_RussellJames_320.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">It was not until the morning I noticed the damage. Initially I was pretty cool about it. It wasn’t until I checked the internet that I realised the stupid curry, which I didn’t even want, had given me more than just a thousand extra calories. A YELLOW BRACE.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNQ9gz8PHwho5SrjWmb6gCpGIWHl-8_jF9sbi_0axtxD1eYGoF2Id4LBKW_s2Q7z5OfOfAeaU07CHAhquilFgMa4sTVENWLUYeSTNNh6eid8ZQ7SjO2KYnkBccRGNOyNFZESYfMfJ7cxac/s400/shocked-face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNQ9gz8PHwho5SrjWmb6gCpGIWHl-8_jF9sbi_0axtxD1eYGoF2Id4LBKW_s2Q7z5OfOfAeaU07CHAhquilFgMa4sTVENWLUYeSTNNh6eid8ZQ7SjO2KYnkBccRGNOyNFZESYfMfJ7cxac/s320/shocked-face.jpg" width="258" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">The first website I looked at said “never eat curry with a ceramic brace”. Hindsight advice is extremely infuriating. I then proceeded to scrub my little yellow tin grin with; lemon juice, bicarbonate of soda, whitening toothpaste, salt. Believe me when i tell you that is a nasty tasting combination. And one that DOES NOT WORK. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://seabrightly.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/monkey_teeth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="http://seabrightly.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/monkey_teeth.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">I just had to face the facts and learn my lesson. Tumeric is the bastard which paints the elastics. I honestly think that orthodontists should inform you of this. I am sure I am not the only victim out there?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC-VN9u_Ejs3BPZnEPUA43gAzTcpHmg_PXdEXNfEz5HLwJJTj_rJNtQbMdXt5-DgQdGhvoHLDp6OCdrseanfyqv-SHBwiP52qHsv5rENVhg0vRudbWUh-I9YMFfU4pMXVl5qLsXwbjkck/s1600/Black-and-White-portrait-eyes-models-art-Fashion-women-light-bw-people-glamour-poses-various-Allure-moment-still-rain-lollipop-lonely-missing-y.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC-VN9u_Ejs3BPZnEPUA43gAzTcpHmg_PXdEXNfEz5HLwJJTj_rJNtQbMdXt5-DgQdGhvoHLDp6OCdrseanfyqv-SHBwiP52qHsv5rENVhg0vRudbWUh-I9YMFfU4pMXVl5qLsXwbjkck/s320/Black-and-White-portrait-eyes-models-art-Fashion-women-light-bw-people-glamour-poses-various-Allure-moment-still-rain-lollipop-lonely-missing-y.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif";">And so, several weeks later, we returned. Yes, it was embarrassing and frustrating to order “a cheese omelette with chips” at an Indian restaurant, but very necessary. I am pretty sure the waiter shook his head and sighed. Inadvertently and without warning, I have become ‘one of those’. A fussy, uncultured customer. The elephant in my mouth appears to be ruling my palate now. Great. Still, on the bright side... at least I could pronounce my dish of choice with confidence.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/13806807/aliiiiiine-black-and-white-boy-cute-elephant-Favim.com-129390_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/13806807/aliiiiiine-black-and-white-boy-cute-elephant-Favim.com-129390_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-9157540203829925622012-01-26T12:35:00.000-08:002012-01-26T12:35:42.679-08:00The Bombshell<span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">So, after what seemed like a life time it was time for my brace appointment.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">I’d drank far too much red wine the weekend before, way too much blood in my alcohol system. Ordinarily, to avoid staining my ceramic brace, red wine is a no go. This, naturally, has found me dreaming of the rouge. So, to divulge felt very naughty.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/4361867/SASHA-black-and-white-photography-drinks-Wines-Beds-Senual-Items-drink-sexy-tags-Klasse-Wine-Glasses-wino-Suzies-alcohol_large_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gda="true" height="150px" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/4361867/SASHA-black-and-white-photography-drinks-Wines-Beds-Senual-Items-drink-sexy-tags-Klasse-Wine-Glasses-wino-Suzies-alcohol_large_large.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">I meandered into the hospital. Pursed pouts in the waiting room. My name called. I had developed a gap in my front teeth since my last visit, and although pretending I resembled Mick Jagger's daughter was fun... the self-deceit didn't last long. Neither did the constant novelty whistle<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>which accompanied every ‘F’ sounds I made. Or the fact that, despite several different techniques, spaghetti would always seem to get caught in my "Jagger". Seriously not cool.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.bonnint.net/seattle/2/275/27591.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gda="true" height="320px" src="http://media.bonnint.net/seattle/2/275/27591.jpg" width="284px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">I strutted into the “driving seat”... my rouge-tainted elastics were changed, the brace tightened. Goodbye Jagger, Hello spaghetti. Then, without any warning or preparation the bombshell exploded.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://vrroom.naa.gov.au/Images/Atomic%20Bomb%20Photo1_7815278_tcm11-17530.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gda="true" height="320px" src="http://vrroom.naa.gov.au/Images/Atomic%20Bomb%20Photo1_7815278_tcm11-17530.jpg" width="254px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">I was told, in the insensitive tone in which my Orthodontist clearly enjoys, that I need a bottom brace. Which will be fitted at the end of March 2012. “<em>Do you want ceramic or metal brackets?”...</em> I felt like such a vulnerable, weak, innocent little prey in the cruel clutches of his “driving seat”.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.dogguide.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/2202036007_16cdc1b356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gda="true" height="320px" src="http://www.dogguide.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/2202036007_16cdc1b356.jpg" width="213px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">Sure, my hangover didn’t help. I mumbled something. He left the room. Then I cried. Quite a lot. Too much. The dental nurse rubbed my arm. My goggles steamed up. I started to do that weird thing where you hold in the cry and then it surfaces as a snort. Extremely not cool.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgODX_aICH1TgOa8OXC9SIp6HyEhvjlRHSNHPz71Ko8zIJuZ3M_yybVQTcUyPEqFOp7l74ApzVJlGzr84SPpNY5UjXZoeCA263EGqx98501gt9AwojyWXgVSVhgYeJC5XgYepycHxAw2a4/s400/goggleblog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gda="true" height="200px" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgODX_aICH1TgOa8OXC9SIp6HyEhvjlRHSNHPz71Ko8zIJuZ3M_yybVQTcUyPEqFOp7l74ApzVJlGzr84SPpNY5UjXZoeCA263EGqx98501gt9AwojyWXgVSVhgYeJC5XgYepycHxAw2a4/s200/goggleblog.jpg" width="150px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">As far as I was concerned, my brace had been on for 4 months... and it wouldn’t be so long before I emerged from my chryssalsis. Wrong. Because my top teeth have expanded there is now an open bit. I will have to have both top and bottom braces for another 12 months, starting from end of March 2012. Which means I will be embraced for a further 14 months!!! Both sets, and probably some other contraptions too. This means i will be 24 years old before I have this off. This was a shock and did not combine well with a hangover.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.rad-sauce.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/CryingWK.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" gda="true" height="297px" src="http://www.rad-sauce.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/CryingWK.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">The nurse told me that it wasn’t obiligatory and I could have my top brace off in just 6 months. But, it would not be the perfect outcome. I have been ordered to think about it, and I have been. Its a difficult call... sure, a perfect bite and straight teeth all for free is amazing! BUT... do I want to start my career as a brace face? Your twenties are so precious, especially as a single gal. However, another year is nothing in the grand scheme of life. UGH. I think I know what everyone is thinking.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">Why is vanity rearing its ugly little head? IRONIC.</span></strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"></div></span>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-78258694533800820842012-01-13T12:39:00.000-08:002012-01-13T12:39:10.540-08:00Fang Flirtation<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Elephant in the room....<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“A</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">n English metaphorical idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed”. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">The obvious truth, a mouth full of metal... the reaction, nothing. Thus,</span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">The Elephant in my mouth.</span></strong></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.fuelyourblogging.com/files/4179063482_2f07bdb00a_b-529x529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" kba="true" src="http://www.fuelyourblogging.com/files/4179063482_2f07bdb00a_b-529x529.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is pretty obvious when someone recognises the brace. Eye contact becomes teeth contact. They talk to my teeth and – quite bizarrely – i find myself serenading theirs. Pearly white whisperings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Incisor intrigue. Fang flirtation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhS_J5VPFi-NqS9qf5dDn_WefUkYsSmox-gF2CgtQsO2bPwTUxgm7WOzZPmc1v_l3jKLksm5YaAgCLFkgBqAOnR4FQGTveOZ_lWe_PxydqQgGHys_uj03Fsm-NV1OWI3NB8LXzX_Oyhyk/s1600/teeth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211px" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhS_J5VPFi-NqS9qf5dDn_WefUkYsSmox-gF2CgtQsO2bPwTUxgm7WOzZPmc1v_l3jKLksm5YaAgCLFkgBqAOnR4FQGTveOZ_lWe_PxydqQgGHys_uj03Fsm-NV1OWI3NB8LXzX_Oyhyk/s320/teeth.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I have not adopted the lip-over-brace attempt to talk which i have seen other fail at, miserably. I’d rather not look like a muppet mouth, thanks.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2011/09/15/muppets-dragon-tattoo-poster-thumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163px" kba="true" src="http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2011/09/15/muppets-dragon-tattoo-poster-thumb.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Only once in the last 3 and a half months has someone been explicit about acknowledging my brace. Surprisingly, I found his honesty refreshing. Endearing. Charming. The fact he was three years old was besides the point.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">...</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I was pretending to be a Lion (anything to amuse a miserable toddler). Mid-Roar, he gasped. Yes... I was better at this predator play than I gave myself credit for. No. The three year old pointed, bemused, at my open-snarling-mouth.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsi15iXWjt1qzlyhno1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240px" kba="true" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsi15iXWjt1qzlyhno1_500.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">OH NO!” he exclaimed “YOUR TEETH ARE POORLY”... “WAIT THERE, I AM A PLUMBER AND I WILL SNIP THAT OFF FOR YOU AND FIX YOUR POORLY TEETH”. He was too cute. And honest. It was then I realised that, if a lion cub in disguise can acknowledge my brace, everyone must.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.clipartof.com/small/78796-Royalty-Free-RF-Clipart-Illustration-Of-A-Pair-Of-Sharp-Black-And-White-Scissors.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234px" kba="true" src="http://images.clipartof.com/small/78796-Royalty-Free-RF-Clipart-Illustration-Of-A-Pair-Of-Sharp-Black-And-White-Scissors.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Despite this exception, my teeth continue to attract guilty glares... and will do so for the remaining time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The brace will continue to be the elephant in my mouth. </span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Smile widely and give them an engaging audience.</strong></span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHrwULVfS5fhaB_Tw362zmn0BliUnLRwIF_N9Kwj1AutgOXFKWVZ2gi7tE5pa0ODh4CCtseYuuGPfRWVddVkbpqMSZSkxv5JuXTH9EBlFtuDXXWc344n-WfCutEu84urnFxjYUYd_60S8/s1600/black+and+white+smile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200px" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHrwULVfS5fhaB_Tw362zmn0BliUnLRwIF_N9Kwj1AutgOXFKWVZ2gi7tE5pa0ODh4CCtseYuuGPfRWVddVkbpqMSZSkxv5JuXTH9EBlFtuDXXWc344n-WfCutEu84urnFxjYUYd_60S8/s200/black+and+white+smile.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"></div></span>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-8409588791711683552012-01-06T07:06:00.000-08:002012-01-06T09:41:33.511-08:00MY PHILOSOPHY<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">A new year. A new start. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The certain “distraction” is no longer distracting and all procrastination is out of the window.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">I am a firm believer in fate. That everything happens for a reason. That life is too short. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That every scenario can be accurately captured by a cliché. Or a song lyric. What goes around comes around, wise words Timberlake.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://channelingmyself.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Lessons-in-Karma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196px" rea="true" src="http://channelingmyself.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Lessons-in-Karma.jpg" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">Has somebody ever entered your life for a very short period of time? You blink and you miss him, he’s gone and you don’t . Its as if someone planted them there to serve a purpose, they serve their purpose. On a very pretty, transparent plate. The purpose served: a generous helping of delicious brace confidence.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGCYNT238etXS5v6d0F0XCCuT6gXdnLg1dKNyqmOrF2Q3nsse-0gfI1xF9wFi2ETxw7QKtjrsKN3_OqBJvTudFHhDiatqrQHnGEgy0016dP_jcMZgJxxlTXyRTRxg1zqOvQzQqnbD_W2w/s1600/vintage-waitress.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGCYNT238etXS5v6d0F0XCCuT6gXdnLg1dKNyqmOrF2Q3nsse-0gfI1xF9wFi2ETxw7QKtjrsKN3_OqBJvTudFHhDiatqrQHnGEgy0016dP_jcMZgJxxlTXyRTRxg1zqOvQzQqnbD_W2w/s320/vintage-waitress.jpg" width="259px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">My brace angst, of which I have honestly documented in my first post:“Eve”, has never properly surfaced. Sure, I am now very aware that most people talk to my teeth. Of course, I cannot ignore one’s first moment of brace acknowledgement. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, the idea of public eating is not attractive... and the reality, extremely unattractive. But, I have adopted a “who cares” attitude.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicvgUo21Spp_TIVp60jgeYOn9eFYLKcQObiPcVFN3a17MKkSYSFh_Xrqb4R1-paTT8yHPH0Dufm45aG2w_iOSJUKE1h4_Gi8RB-TjacOUQtZ_C2ZpHJfWMwktEpUmK9oUKj8-V8fg5P4o/s1600/eating.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219px" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicvgUo21Spp_TIVp60jgeYOn9eFYLKcQObiPcVFN3a17MKkSYSFh_Xrqb4R1-paTT8yHPH0Dufm45aG2w_iOSJUKE1h4_Gi8RB-TjacOUQtZ_C2ZpHJfWMwktEpUmK9oUKj8-V8fg5P4o/s320/eating.gif" width="320px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I care, they care. If they care, I have to care. And so it spirals. So... I just don’t care. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">To date, this remains a flawless philosophy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif';">I have been ‘embraced’ for 3 months and, ironically, it has given me a lot of luck. Even a little 'love'. I am straddling two enjoyable jobs. One finds me flirting with the fashion world. The other, involves fluttering my eyelashes at marketing.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.thisismarilyn.com/artwork/thevegaslife-2009061420356-23-original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200px" rea="true" src="http://www.thisismarilyn.com/artwork/thevegaslife-2009061420356-23-original.jpg" width="158px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia','serif'; font-size: large;"><strong>It hasn’t killed me and I start 2012 a stronger person, cheers Kayne.</strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"></div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-89882430669840205832012-01-06T04:54:00.000-08:002012-01-06T07:15:21.806-08:00BRACE IS BACK, TELL A FRIEND.<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You heard, <strong>brace is back, back again, brace is back... tell a friend</strong>. Cringe.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Firstly, let me apologise for the inexcusable delay in posting. Granted, I am very new to this “blogging culture”, but writing a blog is very reminiscent of writing a diary. Or meaning to call an old friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tomorrow is always a better day to do it, yet tomorrow never comes. So... today is my tomorrow and I have many embracing anecdotes which need to be relayed. Most of which will be spun with exaggeration and enthusiasm, all of which holds truth and have very real consequences. Prepare to be regaled.</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Writing only the tiny bit above brings back the therapeutic reason for starting this. So, I invite you to laugh at my life with me, but also do not be afraid to laugh at me. <span style="font-size: x-small;">Occassionally.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj92lKCihqWFs0aEs_dRNlgpNPEGtiL60XcQkXJVqdykB_z5JRqZl3FdRnokaQwaFJC5Ox3scaA3EbW1dKCV5tIle5PGLZWUYSVh0MrSawg7KTyk51alTzLq5n1MU2XHPU_cm7e3lG89dE/s1600/Charlie_Chaplin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320px" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj92lKCihqWFs0aEs_dRNlgpNPEGtiL60XcQkXJVqdykB_z5JRqZl3FdRnokaQwaFJC5Ox3scaA3EbW1dKCV5tIle5PGLZWUYSVh0MrSawg7KTyk51alTzLq5n1MU2XHPU_cm7e3lG89dE/s320/Charlie_Chaplin.jpg" width="256px" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>“To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it”</em> Charlie Chaplin.</span></span></strong></span></div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-46272863571381697982011-10-17T07:07:00.000-07:002012-01-06T07:17:54.595-08:00The miserable beginning<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">9 whole days have past by and although I have been meaning to write a new post... life with braces has been a little, distracting.</span><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQdAKas4B_niFP2D0zkXNFvRfXJ38svRxWUYHSw9-CTvwepCJFxHkrzkXDd9o_M5yfmL6ozxvC4whzLUUa40LGyPJmunYEGEr5lZjax_Sb2lM4DYOksKWgPIFkUyzHwUuh0d9YteF7f4M/s400/braces.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="171px" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQdAKas4B_niFP2D0zkXNFvRfXJ38svRxWUYHSw9-CTvwepCJFxHkrzkXDd9o_M5yfmL6ozxvC4whzLUUa40LGyPJmunYEGEr5lZjax_Sb2lM4DYOksKWgPIFkUyzHwUuh0d9YteF7f4M/s200/braces.jpg" width="200px" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I will start at the beginning. The novelty wore off almost instantaneously. It was then it literally felt like an elephant had made its-fat-ugly-self too comfortable in my mouth. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Nelly had packed her bags and made her way <strong>INTO MY MOUTH.</strong></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.breadwig.com/uploads/sketches/elephants/000724-elephant-cartoon-breadwig.com.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="269px" oda="true" src="http://www.breadwig.com/uploads/sketches/elephants/000724-elephant-cartoon-breadwig.com.jpg" width="320px" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Monosyll is also 'embraced'. He decided that it was extremely necessary to witness my first eating experience. </span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My culinary creation: Tuna pasta.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.endlesssimmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/sexy-pasta.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="320px" oda="true" src="http://www.endlesssimmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/sexy-pasta.jpg" width="218px" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">With a deep breath, I ate.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Monosyll found the whole thing highly amusing. I did not. After about 20 minutes, I had lost all of my dignity and felt like I had - unintentionally - caught an entire school of fish between my teeth.</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Luckily, I too, found the funny side. We were both crying with laughter, proudly revealing our daily catch. Crying with laughter? Or, just crying.</span><br />
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</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbJEmOtqGAu5u9qUMjrwZ97a962PM4vbi0xGtNbQJAiFd2gMMfJLfctxUz8DxoXp7tVB7WIEnvTmOy3ZNPTtfprXxIN1-roScc49NF9WzJPe9LcjSlygi1hpZkr2lKz9DROR30aocrvHD0/s400/crying_girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="200px" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbJEmOtqGAu5u9qUMjrwZ97a962PM4vbi0xGtNbQJAiFd2gMMfJLfctxUz8DxoXp7tVB7WIEnvTmOy3ZNPTtfprXxIN1-roScc49NF9WzJPe9LcjSlygi1hpZkr2lKz9DROR30aocrvHD0/s200/crying_girl.jpg" width="193px" /></span></a></div></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It was important to get out of the protection of Mother's bosom as soon as possible. The longer you leave it the harder it gets. It was still hard. Forward planning meant I had a coke date with my friends at the quietest pub in town. I met my friends in the car park... I was silly and smiled closed-mouth and waving at them for a weirdly long amount of time. Of course, this then made it more difficult to open my mouth. I was being weird. Really weird.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><strong>I smiled</strong></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was greeted with...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>"oh. is that it?"</em>...</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"that's a little underwhelming"...</span></em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>"where is your mouth full of metal".</em> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">At first I felt like I had cheated them, but I quickly began to realise that perhaps my life could still continue...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.myemoticons.com/images/communicate/others/whew.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" oda="true" src="http://www.myemoticons.com/images/communicate/others/whew.gif" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The pain came in waves approximately 24 hours after the bracing. Monosyll had warned me, for Monosyll seems to have self-appointed himself as The Brace-Guru. My Mouth Mentor. The Toothy Teeth Teacher. You get my drift...</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://content6.flixster.com/photo/90/74/26/9074268_gal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="200px" oda="true" src="http://content6.flixster.com/photo/90/74/26/9074268_gal.jpg" width="132px" /></span></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Despite his mighty monosyllabic efforts, the pain was far worse than he had warned. Describing the pain is difficult, I can only liken it to the imagined pain of losing every finger nail. A slow and lengthy peeling of the nail from its roots. A tender torture. It was miserable and I was not happy. For 2 days I lived off liquified everything. </span></div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><strong>I began to question whether I had made the right decision....</strong></span></div></div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-55406346476851701492011-10-05T07:18:00.000-07:002012-01-06T07:19:10.772-08:00In the "DRIVING SEAT".<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Yesterday started exactly how I didn't want it to.</strong> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I awoke to a text from a friend who often enjoys inappropriate humour:</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">"Morning hot stuff.. I got my rail card through this morning, I can't wait for my train to board those tracks"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifsQ2cHrdzamhu1yBzLnSSZ2I8cVEi0TWrI8__5PHOkQssxioCe9TLKELkmDq58YfxyOr1TaiE4Cx42GgEqbXmSkMplQEFqEBwkVE9qHP5E2RqLsPA_Xpa0hME6QfoBT56e064nlTgq60/s1600/tracks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="320px" kca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifsQ2cHrdzamhu1yBzLnSSZ2I8cVEi0TWrI8__5PHOkQssxioCe9TLKELkmDq58YfxyOr1TaiE4Cx42GgEqbXmSkMplQEFqEBwkVE9qHP5E2RqLsPA_Xpa0hME6QfoBT56e064nlTgq60/s320/tracks.jpg" width="213px" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Actually this made me laugh. Quite a lot. Although, clearly I would never admit this to him. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was all set for a pretty relaxed morning, with my appointment being at 10.40am. Unfortunately a last minute unforseen circumstance meant that my usual dental partner, mum, couldn't make it. Instead, stepping up to the mark was my 19 year old monosyllabic brother. At approximately 9.55am I found myself guilt tripping him into waking up so that he could "reassure me" en route. Blatantly, this wasn't what I had in mind and I wished my mum was there to gently stroke my cheek or something.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://phoebefox.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/teenager-kevin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" kca="true" src="http://phoebefox.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/teenager-kevin.jpg" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I quickly grabbed my appointment card before me and Monosyll jumped in my car. (driving myself to death was also something I had not planned). It was then I noticed that the appointment time was in fact <strong>10.20am..NOT 10.40am</strong>. Naturally, this stressed me out quite a lot. As did the 15mph tractor I crawled behind half the way. As did Monosyll's heavy breathing. And also the fact that my cheek remained unstroked.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_TSSXpFD0tX6SebJt_TjBXCLoH-FqBsLHLx3qxTzw-1MRl9qLLOuHn4cbv1xW1IyJEvcvkkyxQKWsFPPjshtlSpTgXiWYX_-JwDRDLnSDTjkYq1flnWhYzoYNDU5uGr-c0Ko_fQQoPrc/s1600/Tractor+012.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="320px" kca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_TSSXpFD0tX6SebJt_TjBXCLoH-FqBsLHLx3qxTzw-1MRl9qLLOuHn4cbv1xW1IyJEvcvkkyxQKWsFPPjshtlSpTgXiWYX_-JwDRDLnSDTjkYq1flnWhYzoYNDU5uGr-c0Ko_fQQoPrc/s320/Tractor+012.JPG" width="180px" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Miraculously, I managed to get to Lidl car park on time (since I had to pay for my own petrol on such an important day, I refused to pay £1-a-minute parking as well). After Monosyll declared he needed to <em>"catch up on some Zzz's"</em> legged it to the hospital. Alone.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.bite-magazine.com/siteimages/products/normal/lidl.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="198px" kca="true" src="http://www.bite-magazine.com/siteimages/products/normal/lidl.gif" width="200px" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The orthodontist waiting room always fascinates me. A collection of people with firmly closed mouths. I found myself wondering what contraptions lay hidden behind their perfected pouts. The nurse called my name, as soon as I opened my mouth to answer her... my teeth became very self concious as the many eyeballs glared at them.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ligali.org/africanremembrance/2005/gallery/images/african_american_execution.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="171px" kca="true" src="http://www.ligali.org/africanremembrance/2005/gallery/images/african_american_execution.gif" width="200px" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As I shuffled into my execution room, I set eyes upon the toothy-unsympathetic-dwarf that is my orthodontist. After peering over his specs and looking me up and down. Twice. (something I considered unproffessional) he said:</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><strong>"C'mon, jump on into the DRIVING SEAT!"</strong></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I then.. literally ..'jumped' into the 'driving seat'. I kid you not. Actually, it was probably more of a leap. Along with a <em>"YIPPEEE!" </em>As I lay, a crooked vulnerable prey, in the 'driving seat' that leap and my <em>"YIPPEEE!"</em> resonated in my head.. again and again. I cringed the whole way throughout the brace-procedure.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As I lay, with the <em>"YIPPEEE!"</em> still echoing inside me, I imagined what it would be like if my orthodontist was fit. As soon as I had began to mentally rehearse <span style="color: red;">my sexy, seductive slither</span> into the 'driving seat' along with a <em><span style="color: red;">"Yes Sir"</span></em> instead of the high-pitched <em>"YIPPEEE!".</em> Short-man spoke.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://criticgirl.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/ist2_2551633-3d-rendered-musical-note-background.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="133px" kca="true" src="http://criticgirl.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/ist2_2551633-3d-rendered-musical-note-background.jpg" width="200px" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Again, I found myself lost in his ivories. My eyelids became <strong>heavy</strong> as he began to sing. The hypnoticism didn't last long this time. It was rudely interrupted with..</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Ok, thats all the very important stuff covered. Any questions?"</span></em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Ummm, no.. I think I got it all, thank you"</span></em></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>I hadn't got anything but a mouth full of brace.</strong> As I shuffled through the waiting room, my braced teeth began to feel self-concious again.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I legged it back to Lidl car park. I tried to see my reflection in car windows, manically grinning and very slowly running my tongue along my brace. It only became apparent to me that this was weird behaviour when I realised one of the cars had some young kids in the back seat. <em>Not only weird behaviour but unintentionally peadophilic?</em></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2294/2510609813_aa79b61d23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="256px" kca="true" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2294/2510609813_aa79b61d23.jpg" width="320px" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Monosyll was fast asleep. I felt unfair waking him up. But, of course, I did anyway. He made a combination of deep grunts which I could only assume meant he wanted to see my brace. I aprehensively smiled.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Ah. Yeah. S'alright." He sighed, rolled over and then fell back asleep.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The morning certainly did not go how I had meticulously planned. But, actually, I don't think it was a bad thing.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><strong>I drove home, positive, pleasantly surprised and EMBRACED.</strong></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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</div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5560720591427761774.post-40949305671967782392011-10-03T10:32:00.000-07:002012-01-06T07:20:22.874-08:00Eve.<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I start a "new chapter" tomorrow morning at 10.40am. An intimidating prospect and one which I have not over-thought or over-dramatised in the slightest...</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;">I AM GETTING A BRACE TOMORROW.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;">MY LIFE ENDS TONIGHT!!!!!</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><strike>RIP ME 03/10/2011</strike></span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Almost 23 years old... A good degree in Psychology... Growing confidence, a little vanity. A set of beautiful shiny friends. A self concious smile... a perfected pout. Tooth ache. Dentist. Whispers. BRACES. BRACES. BRACES. BRACES.</span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The shocking verdict was revealed to me by my Orthodontist; a long term sufferer of acute short-man syndrome, that I did not find a) cute or b) at all reassuring. Why is it that when an orthodontist opens his mouth, you become sort of entranced and mesmerised by personified teeth perfection? His words became a hypnotic lullaby. A real life advert. In fact, I swear at one point I caught my crooked reflection in his cocaine-white canine. <span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: large;">TING.</span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45481000/jpg/_45481209_dentist_whitecoat226.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" kca="true" src="http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/45481000/jpg/_45481209_dentist_whitecoat226.jpg" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Unfortunately, my predicament is owed to my "disfunctional" cross bite. Fortunately, the fact it is worsening means that my perfectly-gnashered-incisor of an orthodontist accepted me on the NHS. Essentially, saving me a small fortune (around £3,500)... but even more essentially, the looming and unexpected transformation into UGLY BETTY.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://pigletinfrance.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/ugly-betty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="200px" kca="true" src="http://pigletinfrance.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/ugly-betty.jpg" width="185px" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">For the past 3 and a half months I have had to wear a removal brace, (also known as a palatal exapnder). A big hard lump of plastic which has a screw to turn. It takes up about 5/8th's of your mouth. Removable is great. speaking/eating/swallowing is not. Initially, I found the brace impossible. Coming to terms with, and the subsequent dealings of, excess salivation was particularly tough. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ZzUaJibpWXEY2OSu4LDec2RrGokoQiD4QO_3mYe5sXrApYF3JE3YLurfgvCvrZ-ng15S2Z71fW5Hu3hiohIO4kLuTAfPAguw0a4yRqz0i1GoeuP3gOkIm3Y7gb9DUdlqqP8dQ2VeLek/s1600/brace5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" kca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ZzUaJibpWXEY2OSu4LDec2RrGokoQiD4QO_3mYe5sXrApYF3JE3YLurfgvCvrZ-ng15S2Z71fW5Hu3hiohIO4kLuTAfPAguw0a4yRqz0i1GoeuP3gOkIm3Y7gb9DUdlqqP8dQ2VeLek/s1600/brace5.jpg" /></span></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Speaking was another achievement altogether. My tongue suddenly became 8 sizes too big for my mouth. My "speech" consisted of various wagglings of tongue whilst making some vague-vowel type noise.</span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My expression on my poor Mother's face when I tried to ask her a question was both hysterical and devastating. My tongue waggled. She would close one eye, screw up her face, tilt her head to one side, staring - open mouthed- at my open mouth. Then she would dare answer yes or no to a question she was afraid to admit she HADNT A CLUE WHAT I WAS ASKING.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A few months later I have, begrudgingly, mastered this lump of plastic. It now acts as a geographic-location type tool. One simply listens and follows the faint noise of Darth Vader.. and there they will find me.</span><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.pcdesktopwallpaper.com/albums/wallpapers-humour/Darth-Vader-Trimming-Tree-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="240px" kca="true" src="http://www.pcdesktopwallpaper.com/albums/wallpapers-humour/Darth-Vader-Trimming-Tree-001.jpg" width="320px" /></span></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Despite my new humourous take on what I consider devastating news... tomorrow still remains a scary day.</span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Naturally, broaching the subject of the brace to my perfected pearly pals required deliberation. I tried two different ways;</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>number one: ridiculously cazsh (aka casual)</em></span><br />
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<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>me</strong>:</span> "oh please can you pass me the salt. oh, by the way.. I am getting braces!"</span></span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>friend</strong>:</span> "but your trousers stay up enough with a belt?"</span></span><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://alexwaterhousehayward.com/blog/uploaded_images/Vantana-6-710431.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="320px" kca="true" src="http://alexwaterhousehayward.com/blog/uploaded_images/Vantana-6-710431.jpg" width="263px" /></span></a></div><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>number two: ridiculously dramatic (aka dramatic)</em></span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>me</strong>:</span> <em>amongst sobs and splutters: </em>"yeah... I have to get a br-br- brace."</span></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>friend</strong>:</span> "OH MY GOSH. like a metal face/neck brace?!!!?!!"</span></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>me</strong>:</span> "er, no... for my teeth"</span></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>friend</strong>:</span> "ohhhh, thats no biggie at all"</span></span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRI4R7RMp5KrrCwgzXxc533esqe24esQeIw45ku-CPv8QtNpywqJG9SNNiFyGox2Iw0A7t0O2hB4AiSyx1QggxN7HpxmhVK-GhrB1wfx4pnrMV31MRI7cXIrwPx4iUEy2OKD2arKwNCOM/s1600/brace4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="215px" kca="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRI4R7RMp5KrrCwgzXxc533esqe24esQeIw45ku-CPv8QtNpywqJG9SNNiFyGox2Iw0A7t0O2hB4AiSyx1QggxN7HpxmhVK-GhrB1wfx4pnrMV31MRI7cXIrwPx4iUEy2OKD2arKwNCOM/s320/brace4.jpg" width="320px" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I have now found a happy medium which provides the appropriate level of sympathy without friends thinking I am terminally ill. Phewf.</span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So, I will be <span style="font-size: large;">"EMBRACED"</span> for about 12-18 months. After intial plans to ignore everyone and to enter my metaphorical chrysalis as of tomorrow (and after harvesting my bod and emerging a new smiley me etc etc...), I have now decided I want to remain sane and shall therefore try to be as normal as possible. I shall use this blog to share my emotions/embarrassments and hilarities along the way!</span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><strong>TOMORROW I WILL TAKE A LONG DEEP BREATH AND BRACE MYSELF.</strong></span></div><br />
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</div>EMBRACED.http://www.blogger.com/profile/15064842190769858919noreply@blogger.com1