Turmeric, do one

So, the turmeric war continues...

I decided that it would be a very good idea to fully embrace the “Friday feeling” with my mate Henry Weston. (Dangerously good, and exceedingly strong, cider).

After a night of dancing like I was Beyonce, Mr Weston has a habit of inducing severe delusion, and performing every party trick I knew… it was definitely time for bed.

I awoke, with one eye open, and before I could establish whether it was a weekend or not - the memories of the night before overcame me. I decided it would be a good idea to sleep it off, yet my foot kept twitching and every intention of snoozing was overcome by vivid imaginations of orange juice. Cold, endless supplies of the stuff. A gushing orange juice waterfall. I was dehydrated, hungover and PAP-ING (post alcohol paranoia).

Frustratingly, there was no trace of orange juice in the fridge. I sat, drinking the life out of a cup of tea. My beyonce days were over and my hips hurt from showing the male population how I could put both of my legs over my head. Serious PAP-ing.

Nothing soothes a hangover better than a bowl of supernoodles. Half food, half drink. They must be eaten noisily, messily and ideally – eaten alone. Mild curry was my super food of choice. I devoured them in a flash and slowly began to feel like me again.

It was only that afternoon, when I decided to look in the mirror, that I realised a familiar yellow twinge. YELLOW TWINGE. No. no. no.

I’d eaten a omelette at an Indian restaurant. Steered clear from any colourful food. Even resorted to drinking a glass of red wine with a straw!! Only to ruin it all with a quickie with mild curry supernoodles. Fuming.

What I did, I am not proud of. But it was something I considered completely necessary. I picked up a pin and sabotaged my own brace. Bad, I know. But… it meant I could go and visit my scary orthodontist and regain some dignity. It worked. Off with the terrible turmeric twinged elastics and on with the clears. I win.

Sure, I was pretty smug about it. It taught me two vital things. Firstly, my war with turmeric is not over. Secondly, I am never going to be able to shake my booty like Beyonce.